What Is a Bereavement Doula? And Why Every Loss Family Deserves One
**Reformatted from Podcast episode # 88 of The Pregnancy Loss and Motherhood Podcast.
Hey friend — if you’re here, it’s probably because you’ve experienced or walked alongside deep loss, or maybe you’re a doula, nurse, or compassionate soul who knows the system needs more heart. Either way, you’re in the right place. Today we’re talking about something close to my heart, and to Evelyn’s legacy:
What is a bereavement doula?
Who are they?
What do they do?
And why is their presence so damn important when a baby dies?
Let’s talk about it.
Most families don’t even know bereavement doulas exist until they’re already in the thick of grief — when the hospital room goes quiet, when no one knows what to say, when time starts to feel like molasses, and they’re being asked to make forever decisions on the worst day of their life.
That's why I created this post. So you can know now, before you or someone you love ever has to need it.
So… What Is a Bereavement Doula?
In plain speak?
A bereavement doula is a non-medical professional trained to support families going through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal loss, TFMR (termination for medical reasons), and other types of perinatal loss.
They’re not trying to fix anything. They’re not going to say things like “everything happens for a reason.” They’re the ones who sit beside you and say:
“This sucks. I’m here. You’re not alone.”
They hold space when time is suspended. When you’re frozen. When the rest of the world moves on, but your world just stops.
We call them perinatal loss doulas at Evelyn James & Co.
What Do Bereavement Doulas Actually Do?
A bereavement doula may:
Sit beside you while you labor a baby who has already died
Support you physically through contractions and postpartum recovery
Help make keepsakes — handprints, footprints, memory boxes
Advocate for time with your baby without rushing or judgment
Help you navigate funeral options or cremation logistics
Support your conversations with hospital staff or autopsy teams
Help you plan naming ceremonies, rituals, or spiritual support
Check in after you go home, especially around anniversaries or holidays
Sometimes? They just sit with you on your couch. Like my doula, Kendra did. She entertained my girls when I had no energy. She absorbed the chaos so I could breathe.
She didn’t try to fix it. She witnessed it.
That is presence. That is power.
Why This Support Changes Everything
Let’s talk facts.
The Star Legacy Foundation reports that families who receive time, validation, and autonomy in grief show significantly better long-term mental health outcomes, including fewer PTSD symptoms and lower depression rates.
Research in the Journal of Perinatal & Neonatal Nursing shows that perinatal grief is distinct. It holds a higher risk for isolation, disenfranchised grief, and trauma that stays stuck for years without the right support.
This isn’t just about comfort. It’s about nervous system regulation, trauma integration, and lifelong healing.
As Dr. Alan Wolfelt teaches:
“The bereaved are not problems to be solved. They are people to be companioned.”
And that’s what a bereavement doula does. They accompany your grief. They make room for it. They say, “You are not broken. You are grieving.”
How to Find a Bereavement Doula
Here are a few places to start:
Evelyn James & Company Directory (we’ve trained doulas worldwide!)
Ask your local hospital, birth center, or midwife clinic
Search grief-centered pages on Instagram or Facebook
Email or DM me — I will help you find someone close (in person or virtually)
Let’s Talk Money: What Does It Cost?
This is where people get uncomfortable. But we need to talk about it. Because birth doulas, photographers, midwives — they all get paid to show up for your biggest days.
Why wouldn’t we pay people to show up for our worst?
💔 Bereavement support should be accessible. It should also be respected.
Some doulas work hourly ($25–$100/hr)
Some offer flat rate support packages ($300–$1500+)
Some offer sliding scale or donation-based care
Some train through nonprofits and offer free support
And many of us — myself included — do pro bono work when we can
But no one should feel ashamed for charging. It’s work. It’s soul labor. And it changes lives.
And someday soon? I hope to partner with insurance companies to cover this support as part of medical care. Because it should be.
And If You're a Professional...
If you’re a nurse, OB, birth doula, or hospital chaplain, please start connecting with bereavement doulas in your area. Bring them in. Let them support your families in the moments that matter most. They aren’t here to take over or take jobs from the nurses, they are there to support the nurses and lessen what is already so heavy on their plates.
No more rushing families out in silence. No more leaving them alone to figure it all out.
We deserve better. And it starts with us.
🌟 Evelyn’s Legacy — and the Shop We're Launching for Families
This whole mission — Evelyn James & Co. — was born from the day I lost my daughter, Evelyn. I didn’t even know bereavement doulas existed. I didn’t know I could have more time. I wasn’t told what to expect.
I carried that for a long time. And now, I’m doing something with it.
🎉 On July 20th — Evelyn’s birthday — we’re launching the Evelyn James Shop.
You’ll find:
Keepsakes and healing gifts for moms, dads, and siblings
Printable guides for hospitals, doulas, and support systems
Audio meditations, affirmations, and rituals for grief
Tools to support the early days, the anniversaries, and the aftershocks
Everything in the shop is built on one truth:
Grief deserves reverence. And parents deserve support.
🛒 Visit evelynjames.shop on July 20. Be part of this sacred shift.
Bereavement doulas should NOT be a luxury.
They are a lifeline.
They can’t erase the pain, but they help carry it with compassion.
They help you breathe again. They remind you that your grief is valid. And that you’re not alone.
So whether you’re grieving… or you’re the one called to support others…
Know this:
Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried. — Megan Devine
Let’s carry each other.
💌 Want help finding a bereavement doula? Or want to get trained? Message me. I got you.
📬 Sign up for our monthly newsletter for tools, trainings, and real talk at evelynjamesandco.com
📣 Don’t forget — the Evelyn James Shop launches July 20 at evelynjames.shop
You are not alone — and you never have to be again.
With all my heart,
Vallen
